Frank Zappa — Scrutinizer Postlude lyrics

Central Scrutinizer :
This is the CENTRAL SCRUTINIZER... again. Hi!...It's me again,
the CENTRAL SCRUTINIZER... Joe says Lucille has messed bis mind up,
but, was it the girl or was it the music? As you can see .. .girls, music,
disease, heartbreak.. .they all go together.. Joe found out the hard way, but
his troubles were just beginning... his mind was so messed up... he could
hardly do nothin' .. .He was in aquandary ... being devoured by the swirling
cesspool of his own steaming desires.. .the guy was a wreck.. .so.. .what
does he do? For once, he does something SMART...he goes out... and
pays a lot of money to L. Ron Hoover... at the First Church of Appliantology!

SCRUTINIZER'S POSTLUDE

Eventually it was discovered
That God
Did not want us to be
All the same
This was
BAD NEWS
For the Governments of The World
As it seemed contrary
To the doctrine of
Portion Controlled Servings
Mankind must be made more uniformly
If THE FUTURE
Was going to work
Various ways were sought
To bind us all together
But, alas SAMENESS was unenforceable
It was about this time
That someone
Came up with the idea of TOTAL CRIMINALIZATION
Based on the principle that
If we were ALL crooks
We could at last be uniform
To some degree
In the eyes of THE LAW
Shrewdly our legislators calculated
That most people were
Too lazy to perform a
REAL CRIME
So new laws were manufactured
Making it possible for anyone
To violate them any time of the day or night,
And
Once we had all broken some kind of law
We'd all be in the same big happy club
Right up there with the President,
The most exalted industrialists,
And the clerical big shots
Of all your favorite religions
TOTAL CRIMINALIZATION
Was the greatest idea of its time
And was vastly popular
Except with those people
Who didn't want to be crooks or outlaws,
So, of course, they had to be TRICKED INTO IT...
Which is one of the reasons why
Music
Was eventually made
Illegal